Ad infinitum

The idea of a free mind scares me,

is it possible to walk a path not burdened by ones existence?

Is it possible to ignore my skin and all the stories it holds?

not be a library of emotion passed down like the Zambezi flows gently into the ocean shores.

The idea of being unshackled, not a slave anymore,

not held back by words or names a weight I carry.

To be a choice that makes a choice to breed a garden of my own ideas, a bountiful fruit,

to feast and it not feel like a sin,

am I wrong to want to shoulder my burdens made by fathers fathers,

love with the guilt of not being enough.

Not being able to cope with plain truths, not being able to feel your sanity take root in a place not burdened by life itself.

To be the anchor in this sea of uncertainty, be lost in the clouds,

feel the freedom of tranquility before the rains pour to the ground.

The ground a metaphor for my skin,

the clouds the idea of a safe space,

tranquility in my mothers laughter and the uncertainty in each choice I’d made.

The idea of being this endless stream of joy pouring outward in the smiles of many,

the everlasting feast,

be the bread, the wine, the whole damn meal,

and feel not an ounce of guilt,

that warmth, a high, a cloud nine moment,

be that guy, that one that gets the girl in the end,

or the one that dies of old age, happy in his bed.

13/06/2021

'Ad infinitum' Latin word meaning "Again and again in the same way; forever"

ChisalamyPoems