Suggestions from a poisoned mind

Imagine me, sane, in a place not as different as this is, 

just I the poster boy for a misguided love, 

who's chased down rainbows in vain to prove that the gold at the end wasn't real, 

that dreams are just that, 

that I would only just be me, 

and that a sadness unwanted is a poisoned ink in my vains that will never leave. 

Imagine me, a guilty desire to be felt, 

to make love to someone that mattered - even once, 

to not hope for answers as clear as glass when questions is all I'll ever be.

To be the full stop (.), exclamation mark (!), 

question mark (?) to my own self needs. 

To be the darkness creeping slowly in a patch of grey, to be everything she disliked about me that I'd picked up in the words she said. 

I'd imagined things differently, 

the first time we met.

Was it simple fate? 

Or was it my greedy lust for you taken shape? 

Was it me the fuse to an explosion that we had made? In bed,

did I whisper to you the world?

The things in that moment I believed I'd do. 

How times change, 

how caterpillars long to be beautiful someday, 

maybe, the ghosts in my past are an excuse,

she an exorcist, unleashing flames in her most vulnerable moments, I love you she's say. 

So she'd imagine me different, 

not the untethered soul gently drifting on the passive high that my mistakes gave me. 

Imagine me here, 

right in front of you exposed, 

yet you embrace the darkness like you'd do a child borne of a forbidden love. 

Carved out of casket wood left about by my past lovers, 

that never really understood.

I understood then, then chose not to believe, 

but I wasn't the one for you. 

The one, being the optimistic soul hungry to explore all of you, 

emotionally then physically make you his treasure. 

Don't dwell much on my trust for love being this broken tool, 

wandering eyes don't deserve as much,

just imagine me someplace else, undeserved, alone and without you. 

09/04/20✔️