To the little girl I'm yet to have

To the little girl I'm yet to have

A letter, to the little girl I'm yet to have.

The first draft - goes something like this.

Dear girl, 

the world is beautiful, I hope you see it soon. 

The sun rises and sets each day, 

the journey I between I'd think you'd love.

The sounds around, 

an orchestra played, the dance in your veins wills you to move. 

I hope you see butterflies, 

the first time to open your eyes, 

and I be the first person to see. 

The thought of that burns days into months. 

And I hope you have your mother's eyes,

mine are not good enough. 

Like hers I want them to soothe my heart,

fill them up with pride - a hope, 

make them as heavy as gold. 

That's what you are to me - precious. 

And burn the pages in my story that do not have in them, the word hope. 

Dear girl, I hope you smile often. 

And in my second draft - to be honest I'm yet to meet your mother, 

like you she's out there, being chosen by God. 

Dear girl, I think about you each time the sun rises, 

because thoughts of you bring me warmth, 

and it's a feel good warmth. 

That soothes in me thoughts of watching you grow into whatever mould my words would take. 

Make my storms calm themselves when I realise that you're just what sunrise would be - my glow, 

you're everything June should be - my warmth. 

A warmth I need right now,

when I imagine your beady eyes looking up at me expectant, 

the positive expectations evident, in calling me dad. 

And it's a good feeling, 

before I see the garden in you show me roses. 

I do not know what woman my words would shape in these I call moulds. 

Right now, I'm only grateful I've been allowed these happy thoughts. 

To have been allowed in me this river that flows through everything my hands have built. 

To wash away the filth in me, but my sins, let them cover for you like sails. 

Take you someplace else, 

each time this world betrays you. I'm here for you. 

I felt ecstatic on my third draft - for you I finished this letter today. 

And today I met your mother "I hope" "I'm really not sure how to tell those things", 

but hey I'd followed her up, my anxiety doing jumping jacks around my beating heart, 

she'd dropped a letter. 

Mastered the goofiest smile I could think of as my version of charming, 

I said "hi", her beauty my weakness, 

I'd be a fool not to admit that that weakness well it made me feel a little shy.

Her smile, and two maybe three cheesy jokes into our interaction, 

I'd fallen in love. 

With her, and the thoughts of you, 

and now that I think about it I realise that her letter, 

it too was addressed to you.

29/08/19✔️