Mavara (colours)

Mavara (colours)

You spoke your words in colour.

Each shade no different from the others,

I mean you never gave me art.

You betrayed our love.

You showed me a red that changed like your wondering eyes,

you'd get high on the morning blues I'd exude to you,

and not see the bleeding red that I'd painted for you.

It's art.

And I know what I saw.

I know what you made me feel.

And I still remember what I heard.

This red,

that I'd wished would grow.

A kind of love in the notebook they wrote.

The flowers,

the letters,

the kisses,

he'd caress me each time I could not sleep.

Each time I'd felt like he'd loved me less.

We'd create a happy place.

Our own place,

where it was just us,

where the black of peoples heart didn't dent our red.

Or disrupt the blue from the rivers of happiness that we'd chosen to drown in.

We were the joy of many,

they'd called us love birds and like kids we'd giggle to that thought because that love was true.

As true as the darkened emptiness of my eyes,

I mean I'd see black.

Ignore the little signs because I was blinded by love.

You were my first,

and my last.

Because I knew then you were the one.

The one I'd call my own even though I knew you had been with others,

I imagined the white in the things we had,

and figured that it would forever be just us.

It's was June and you called me,

"my June"

I remember the things you taught my body,

in the car,

at the movies,

by the terraces,

under the stars,

in the kitchen,

on the table I could be anywhere,

with you.

And I'd still be me.

A better me.

It felt right.

And so we wed in the heat of the moment to make a yellow that brought us a light,

for a moment our baby brought us colour.

A colour you tainted with a green that I could not wash off,

it hurt.

I guess you were blinded too,

to not see the blue in my eyes each time you'd come up with a new girl to hide,

tell lies to me,

the woman you called your wife.

Your love.

Your June.

The colours you dipped in lies painted a bitter upon my gloomy mouth.

I hated life.

The black.

The green.

I hated it all because I'd show them my painted on smile.

So they wouldn't see the cracks.

I knew I shouldn't have broken apart,

I'm not sure why,

But I did,

You broke my heart.

Painted in red,

and you were never here.

You were never mine.

You looked me in the eyes,

and lied again,

when you said to me...that I was never enough.

17/11/2018✅

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