Your goodbyes echoing in the whispers

Your goodbyes echoing in the whispers

I see the shadows, 
in the puzzle pieces I could never make out. 
I remember the words she said clearly, 
and the shadows behind them that she never let out. 
Like the shadow wasn't me,
like the struggle was all the puzzle pieces that made up her heart, 
that didn't fall in place each time I'd feel myself never enough. 
Like the puzzle piece that depicts me could never be place right, 
like it was never loved.


She, has beautiful eyes.
She had them too on the day she'd told me they'd never be mine. 
Like I didn't want to see the signs, 
never mapped the stars in my mind, 
the direction that led me here.


To this sea of puzzle pieces,
the image of you that could never disappear. 
I look at myself and realise that I was never the puzzle pieces. 
I was the entire box, empty,
with everything it had drained.
The small dark place I'd occupy, a sad place, 
the only company I'd have is your goodbyes echoing in the whispers. 
To this heart I call a barren place, 
were now it seems like love never existed. 
And I tell you, it is true that you can forget, 
but the memories in the small things that remind you, are the worst. 
My body the same, 
because it too reminds me of places she once called home.
And now there's a river between us, 
that feels like a black sea. 
My new vocabulary can not allow me to fathom words like trust and unconditional,
because thoughts of you are now just new hurtful memories.


At last I can breathe, 
she took my breath once, 
and now I find it hard to hold back the tears. 
Men do not cry but they definitely bleed. 
So now I work with puzzles, 
to not think for the moment, 
to not hurt no more, 
till the pain starts to go,
fading untill my mind starts to realise that it was a welcome war. 
I hold puzzle pieces like bullet holes, 
the world around me gunfire. 
I feel the gazing eyes, 
the betrayal in my veins sipping cold like her words, her lies. 
I had mine, 
then made it ours, 
till you decided to cut the ties,
that bound us to these puzzle pieces I'd wished would have lasted for life. 
I'm starting to feel sober now.
No longer drunk on that love. 
I picked up the pieces you gave back, 
what's left of my fragile heart,
and molded it into a star, 
so they'd be light at the end of this black. 
That's all I have. 
That is all that I ever had.




26/05/19✅

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Good reads